Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Its too much that my heart couldn't take it. I swear I feel annoying and I look like a attention seeker when I'm crying but I can't help it. I can't handle relationships and studies well, I ruin friendships and I didn't put in effort into my studies. Now the damage had been done, all I need to do is to face it.

I don't need tissues to wipe my tears off, what I really need is an assurance that someone will allow me to cry yet still stay beside me til I'm alright. I really feel so pathetic because I just realised there is really no one I can talk to? Whatever that had happened are too overwhelming to be put into words, and when people asked me what happened, I'd just tell them its a long story.. I want to tell them so much but I doubt they will be able to help either, or maybe they don't even care. Everytime I break down I'm just left alone crying, I suddenly feel so insecure.

Today I walked home crying and panting, planning to go to my room once I've reach home and cry for all I want. Now I finish crying, and I've got issues still unsolved. Crying won't solve anything... but at least it made me feel better. This world is so realistic..... They'll only come to you when they see you crying, when you didn't cry they just walk away thinking that you're alright. The funniest thing is that when you're laughing, they think you're perfectly fine inside.

So I was crying in my room, then I suddenly thought of my best friend again. I thought that why XX didn't even bother to ask me why I'm crying or at least drop me a text. Its so heart wrecking when you realised you've lost a best friend. It means that you've lost someone who care a lot for you, someone who can help you, someone you can talk to, someone who'll allow you to make fun of, someone who'll always give in to you, its like you lost someone more than a friend. Then someone tell me: Not having a best friend doesn't affect me anymore, the worse is, nobody give a damn about you. Even wasting 10 seconds to ask 'Are you OK?' is so difficult...

Right now, I really don't want to get affected by anything and anyone anymore. Right now I'll put my focus on my studies and people I should appreciate. The rest, I'll ignore. I'm going to delete ubersocial now.

We promised to always be best friends. Now we are drifting apart. You don’t even try anymore. So I guess I’m done trying too.

3 comments:

  1. hello, irene here. what's your email? i need it to add you in my blog invitation haha :)

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  2. dont be sad babe!!! Anything talk to me kk :)98568985

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  3. Irene: yingjievil-@live.com :-)
    Brenda: Thank you so much babe but there's so much to say and words are so limited :( Saved your number though!!

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